The Alternative Goldfish

A lot of people goldfish their aggro decks. They find out how quickly it can kill. While that's all well and good, real testing is a lot better. But what if you don't have someone to test with, or you don't have more than a few minutes to test something quickly, or your internet's down and you're an MWS / MTGO player?

I present: The Alternative Goldfish Gauntlet! While it's not as good as real testing, it's a decent way to find out if you can handle certain strategies.

Note: The following gauntlet is designed for aggressive decks. Control decks shouldn't be goldfishing at all: they NEED real testing for even slight benefits.

Note: This gauntlet is designed for a 3-game sideboard match. Hopefully you win each game: don't stop after 2 games. Record your results.

Opponent 1: Plague Rats Guy.

This opponent will play a Plague Rats every turn. Attack and block as you would if you were on the other side of the table. Strategy tip: try not to trade if you can help it. Your rats get quite big, quite fast.

Opponent 2: Terminate Guy.

This guy will Terminate your best Terminatable dude each turn, during his turn.

Opponent 3: Wall Guy.

This guy will play a 0/5 Wall token every turn.

Opponent 4: Token Guy.

This guy plays 2 1/1 tokens each turn. Attack and block to the best of your ability.

Opponent 5: Uberman Guy.

This guy starts with a 10/10 indestructible creature. He plays nothing else. (This guy always starts on the draw.)

Opponent 6: Sower Guy.

This guy will steal your best creature on every even turn. (Turn 2, Turn 4, Turn 6)

Opponent 7: Wrath Guy.

This guy casts Planar Cleansing on every turn with a multiple of 3. (Turn 3, Turn 6, Turn 9)

Opponent 8: Aggro Guy.

This guy plays a 2/1 with haste every turn. He always attacks unless it's completely unprofitable. He tries to force trades.

Opponent 9: Banshee Guy.

All your creatures get a -1/-1 counter at the beginning of your upkeep.

Opponent 10: Nicol Bolas.

Your opponent has a Nicol Bolas, Planeswalker in play and nothing else. Every turn you don't play a card it gains +1 loyalty. Nicol Bolas cannot play an ability on his first turn. He is always on the draw.


Opponent 11: Choice Guy.

In his main phase, Choice Guy chooses one of the following:

Put a 2/1 with haste onto the battlefield.
Put a 0/5 defender onto the battlefield.
Destroy target creature.
Put a -1/-1 counter on each creature.
Put 2 1/1 creatures onto the battlefield.
Steal target creature. Choice Guy cannot choose this option for two more turns.
Destroy all non-land permanents. Choice Guy skips his next turn and cannot choose this option for two more turns after that.


There you have it, the alternative goldfish brigade! Work your way through them, and see if you can beat each one! Happy testing!